When I think of the worst ways to die certain things come to mind: falling from a tall building, drowning, and being caught in a fire. But worst of all is definitely being buried alive. You would be helpless to do anything. All you could do is lay there and think about all the people you will miss, the happy moments you’ll never experience again, and all the mistakes you made along the way. The wait would be horrible, but the hopelessness would trump that!
Have you ever heard a song over and ever again, loved it, and then realized months later that what you thought the singer was talking about was really just a metaphor for something quite different. Or maybe you make it about something different in your mind because it’s a way to cope with life. Music can be like that, a way to cope with certain situations you are too affraid to face.
About a year ago I started to ask myself what was wrong with me. I didn’t have any major health issues like some of my friends were having… hell I had never broken a bone. But then one day it hit me, depression was my issue. From that day on I began to think differently about one of my favorite songs. I was going through my worst nightmare, just in a different way. I was buried alive, not literally of course.
Depression is something a lot of people go through at times in our lives, but for some people it can be a serious crutch. Your pride takes over and you want nothing to do with medication or therapy to help you through it. So you continue to suffer, and treat people around you terribly. Sometimes it feels like your thoughts are not your own, like somehow this other person is coming out and the real you is trapped down deep. If you’re real good like me you can do a pretty good job of hiding it, but the people closest to you know something is wrong.
Thankfully for me I never gave up. A friend of mine suggested therapy, which after some reluctance I went and it was very nice. I was able to get my thoughts out and realized I was holding on to some moments from my past that continued to hurt me. But even after 2 years it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t until my current fiancee came along and suggested medication that I actually took it seriously.
I was scared as hell to think I needed something to balance me out. I didn’t want to become something different, I actually liked who I was for the most part, I just couldn’t find a way to be happy. So after some deep thought I decided to go for it. Things couldn’t get any worse right, and I didn’t want to let anyone else in my life go, especially someone who I really cared about and who saw enough potential in me suggest said medication.
After a few weeks I began to feel better, and I began to remember what it was like to be happy. Most people attributed my new found happiness to “regular sex” with said fiancee, and that can’t be discounted, but the combination of therapy and medication really worked wonders. I can still be a dick and say the wrong things sometimes, especially when I think I’m strong enough to go off the meds for a while. But I am finally happy with my life and where it is going. I have a beautiful fiancee who I will marry this summer, a new family of animals, and my future is looking up.
So if you are one of those people who feel buried alive it’s never too late to make a change in your life. There is a way out, and you don’t want to let the good people leave from your life… they can be very few and far between.
And with that I leave you with Avenged Sevenfold’s “Buried Alive”…
Nerf Wars: A Love Story 